CHAOS | CALM
Warm greens, more crystal than moss-like surround me with promises of days freshened by new life (because there must be new life if we are to survive) born from new ideas as window sills turn to marble, black and navy blue sparkles with smooth glass-like scents of velvet gray skin, waiting, always waiting, while the life of earth family and universe merge, exploding in tiny and gross serenity.
A drip here a spot there never far from longing, gnashing and never forgiving, because you can’t and the world blames you not – not even your most harmful enemy blames you when you turn against yourself, but their pain, in their eyes, is greater, because a wall rising from seemingly nowhere blocks their freedom – a wall of the mind more excruciating than being blown apart – for at least when a bomb goes off in your heart you can feel it.
A wall has no feeling and that is the most devastating enslavement of all.
I feel not – as the wall rises in God’s name, I think no God would require this of me.
I am a Jew, not because I was born of earth and salt and promised a land of milk and honey (ha! no God would enslave and torture the cow and the bee for a Jew), but because I know the wall. That’s what separates me from you. You’re free and I’m not. And I will never be free – until God removes the chains of revenge that keep me enslaved.
The difference between me and you is that even if I could remove those chains I wouldn’t. They keep me anchored, even if to a hell of my own making. I need the anchor of control revenge gives me. That is the only certainty in my life. If I am offended I can strike back in the most unmerciful ways to reclaim my position – a position I need in this chaotic world where Peoples have no homes.
It matters not that I take the home of another. And no, they don’t have the same right to respond. Why? Because my pain is greater than theirs. I am the favored one. I need to be favored. That’s part of the wall: the sickness of not feeling others’ pain. I have no compassion. That’s why Jews hate Jesus. He had what we lacked. At least I’m honest about it. They call me traitor for exposing their lie. One man was half of all of us. He reminded us of the half we were missing. We said, ‘We’ll take care of our own; that’s compassion’. But he said, ‘no, take care of others’. We couldn’t do as he offered, so we killed him. Or, we made it easy for somebody else to kill him.
A phone call is all it takes in today’s world. All Jews belong to the same network – throughout the world. No matter how seemingly menial the task, we’re all connected by the seed that makes us call ourselves who we are – different from you. And since different to us means better, and since we must survive as a superior race, we will use any means to accomplish that end. So, when the call comes to preserve the race, whether it’s a simple – alter a document request, or a much larger – poison the water – request, we know we were called because we are placed in a position to carry it out. If we’re asked we must comply. It’s like a Mafia family only much bigger.
If we’re in a leadership position we sense what to look for and what to attend to when something extraordinary presents itself. The phone is our weapon of choice. We can destroy any person in the world – or group or nation. We’re positioned to take over the entire world, while the most powerful nation on earth sits by and watches. Why? Because we’ve infiltrated that nation to such a successful extent that they’re paralyzed by our command of them. We’ve hypnotized the entire USA by our communications networks, so when we tell them to move or not to move they do just that. It’s not that the USA can stop Israel simply by telling them to stop; that’s only a ruse to make the USA appear strong – a fringe benefit, a perk. The USA has no authority over ‘Israel the people’.
Now this woman shows up claiming to be God’s daughter and at first we laughed, knowing she wasn’t a Jew, but she liked us – odd. And she knew us – odd. And she understood us – even more odd. So we tested her. If she is who she claims to be, then let her God rescue her from us. God didn’t rescue Jesus. But then Jesus has lived on because of it. What will God do with her? At first we didn’t think she was talking to God – only talking to herself. We didn’t think it was God responding – only her responding to herself. Then she showed how to find God’s message in our own answer, then went further to show us how to find God’s answer in a properly phrased question. We were intrigued and remain so. If not for her, we wouldn’t be in her essays. She cares enough not to exclude us.
Still…we torture her. We can’t help it. And no one will stop us. That’s the rub. We can’t stop ourselves. And everyone fears us enough not to try to stop us – even though through our actions we beg for it. How outrageous do we have to become before somebody takes action? She’s the only one who will stand up to us. And we destroy that which we love. The rub again. She should have been dead by now. But she keeps getting up, keeps bouncing back. It’s almost as if we enjoy her survival maneuvers – before, during and after each hit – that that in itself keeps us torturing her. If the world could only see, Hollywood would dry up. She should have called this essay ‘the rub’, not ‘the wall’. But we’re careful not to step on her writing. We leave that to the Feds, whom we also control. We are the Feds – another rub. That’s our common ground with her. If she’s not God’s daughter, she’s the closest thing this world will ever get to seeing God, while still alive.
~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight