Control Freaks


That’s what they used to call people who apply extraordinary measures to control others in their lives thinking that makes them in control of themselves, so they really don’t have to change themselves as long as they’re changing everyone around them to accommodate their need to stay the same while gaining power over others.

They don’t go with “changing yourself changes the world”. They change the world by changing you to suit them.

In an argument they turn all of their manipulative traits onto the manipulated to defeat them.

If they do change, then those around them must change in the same way.

Jews are huge offenders. Brits, Spaniards and Africans not far behind.

Individual control freaks in recent years became known as narcissists. People who consider only themselves, using others to get what they want, while making others think the opposite – that the manipulator does the sacrificing.

A person whose gift is getting people to do what they want, at any cost, is the person of whom I speak. When things go awry as they often do, the one manipulated bears the blame and shame, while the manipulator steers clear. They act like the most important person in any time and space, yet transform into humble when they sense doubt in the target. Only then do they act as if they are actually beneath the target in order to gain their trust.

Supremacy doesn’t come into play. They don’t think they’re better, only smarter and they’ll even convince you not that smart, to disarm you.

They’re filled with they’re own doubt, but only in so far as when they’re not convincing someone to do what they want them to do. It doesn’t matter what it is, only that they see something they want and they need someone to get it for them.

By controlling your actions to match up with their wants, they feel in control of themselves; as strange as that sounds, it makes perfect sense to the controller.

They laugh at and make fun of everybody and just to be sure they don’t totally devastate their mark, they poke themselves too.

God help the manipulated that pokes the manipulator first. Friend or foe? It doesn’t matter. It’s the challenge presenting itself that motivates the manipulator to manipulate for the sake of gaining control thus power.

It’s a high they need to survive. It’s an addiction like any other, except that it is always directed at another person, which makes it more dangerous. There is nothing self-inflicted about it. It always involves a target.

The process of manipulation calms the manipulator and puts the manipulated into a state of chaos.

dictator, hunter, hunted, exploiter, bully, conciliator

Unlike a bully, the manipulator has a specific purpose to achieve a goal. A bully taunts to achieve power over the less powerful. Opportunistic, willy, nilly. It doesn’t mean the manipulator isn’t at times also a bully just for the fun of watching someone squirm. They take a break and deviate somewhat from the norm – for them.

Manipulators think they’re controlling themselves by controlling others. In reality, they’re creating chaos. The manipulated control the manipulators by acting conciliatory to keep the calm.

But at what cost to the manipulated and to society and to progress?

Chaos never leads to calm. It leads to destruction and fatigue. What comes out of destruction and fatigue is pretty much random and contingent on other personality factors interacting in the moment, short and long term depending on the situation.

Manipulators vacillate between mean – vindictive – kind, sometimes within seconds.

They’re a powerful force, but they wound easily. And they carry those slights, those wounds, forever.

There is no cure. That’s why schools focus on altering the mindset of the victims of bullies, rather than the bully. Society sees some value in the manipulator, like they do in dictators. They get the job done by whatever means necessary.

If we forego the kinder, gentler world that politicians focus on wanting to achieve when running for office, and focus instead on stronger people making stronger families thus stronger nations, then kind might begin to reign if not manipulated into reigning through bully tactics.


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Published by Sharon Lee Davies-Tight, artist, writer/author, animal-free chef, activist

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