Phantom Teeth

LAUGH

You know somebody flosses their teeth often, when they have a couple of extractions and still try to floss where the teeth used to be.






 

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BE WARY

Alert: Cuss words used in this post. Do not read if cuss words offend you.

LAUGH

Fake News Anchors Are Hit Men and Hit Women. Their job is to destroy you by putting you in the worst light possible, parsing words and taking everything said figuratively, literally, out of the context of intent.

If you are in the news you are their target. They get paid millions of dollars to make you suffer. And they are everywhere.

Be wary what you say where you dine or drink. Their low-level spies are lurking with hidden listening devices and cameras. They are hyper-tonic wanna be arsholes.

Raw is where they live disguised as accurate. They wouldn’t know accurate if it wucked them in the face.

Disrupt a nation with false information and that can be called treason – not a reason for treason.

Members of congress are conspiring against the United States by conspiring against the president.






 

THIS IS HOW CONTROLLING MY HUSBAND IS:

LAUGH

I took the laundry cart out as a precursor to doing the laundry – only bedding today. He sees it before taking a shower and says what’s this cart doing out here? Don’t do laundry. I’ll do it on my day off.

I say I’m only doing bedding.

He says okay, then says no. I can do the bedding when I do my work clothes for the week. I’ll just throw it in when I’m down there.

I say, well leave the cart out.

He says no, I’m putting it back, as he proceeds to push the cart back into the closet saying I don’t want you to be tempted – out of sight out of mind. Relax, have some fun today. You don’t want to be doing laundry.

I’m writing something else on the computer and I say out loud: this is how controlling my husband is – blah blah blah – and I’m going to write it. We both laugh hysterically, because he’s a controlling husband and I’m a workaholic.

I say I’m going to write this and put it on our fat-site.

He said yeah, write it – we’re both still laughing. He said this is what they mean by no good deed goes unpunished.

I’m thinking maybe laughing makes you lose weight. Hm-m.

Better on a Sunday morning to be laughing rather than regretting something from the night before. Maybe that could help you lose weight too.

Maybe I’m onto something here.

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight

OUR FAT SITE: https://fat-freechef.com






 

move the sink

LAUGH

He: Hey Sharon, are you Irish?

Me: I don’t piss in the sink, no matter the position of the curtain.






 

HOW A JEW CHANGES

LAUGH

Not THIS Jew.

Not THIS time.

Not ANY time.

From NOW on.

So what do you want?






 

NEWS FLASH on coffee

LAUGH

A moderate amount of coffee per day equals 1-2 cups.

A moderate amount is 1 cup?

What’s a small amount?






CHINESE LAUNDRY AD

Lots of racist jokes have been made over the years in the USA regarding Chinese laundries – and we all continue to laugh at them.

I see this ad as “revenge is best served cold” by the Chinese.

Actually, it’s so in your face funny and open, that it’s brilliant.






 

HIJAB – HABIT

LAUGH

Muslims who wear hijabs look like Nuns who wear habits.

 






THANK GOD?

LAUGH

Ever hear an atheist say, Thank God It’s Friday (TGIF)?

It cracks me up!

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

CAVEMAN???

LAUGH

WHAT? NO CAVEWOMAN???

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

CARROTS AND STICKS

Dangling carrots you’ll never get, while beating you with sticks?

No thank you Hillary. I don’t like to be beaten with carrots or sticks. The line of difference always blurs.

I want a candied carrot on top of an animal-free cupcake!

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

HARDBALL

It’s time to retire hardball. Everybody plays it–and all it amounts to–at the end of the day–all things being equal in a perfect world, without rushing to judgement–that it is what it is–been there done that–deja vu all over again–on so many different levels. When the other shoe drops, where the sun doesn’t shine, that’s the bottom line. If it walks like a duck, wears lipstick and if the shoe fits, then the moment of truth has arrived. The fat lady hasn’t sung yet, so it appears to be DOA–dead on arrival.

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

CLEVELANDERS

I’ve been living in Cleveland too long.

I get 50 views on my website and I think I’m going viral, going to the world series and the super bowl.

Of course the world knows that none of that will ever happen, but we Clevelanders know it will.