A Cooling Down Of The Gut With A Sidewinder Joke

You don’t have to eat teeth to grow them.

You don’t have to eat brains to replace the one you say you have, but never use.

If you’re using a biased gut instead of your brains to solve your problems or to demand something from someone else, that you could provide yourself, you’re always going to be at the low end of the success stick.

If you don’t know how to brush your teeth well, then buying a new brush won’t help much after the novelty wears off.

If there’s only room for one person in your life and that person is you, don’t cry when your relationships don’t last beyond the meet, greet, and now I know you stage.

What’s a sidewinder? In cowboy terms. Southwestern USA. Northwestern MEXICO. I heard that word on television growing up watching westerns that were popular back in the day fresh off the reservation.

I heard Morgan Freeman say that word on a talk show referring to stereotypes of black African men. Sidewinder and shifty too.

It’s a reptilian hemorrhoid. Or more accurately a venomous humanoid with horns who is highly intelligent. In other words a snake, that can run at eighteen miles an hour and bite you in the ass without you knowing it.

In my expansive world view that sounds more like African women than African men.

It’s okay to ignore your gut when the facts are staring you in the face.






Brits And Pity

Brits And Pity

The Brits are always scolding people about pitying themselves. They don’t like it and they’ll put you down in a beat. But these same people expect the ones they beat for pitying themselves to pity everybody else.

So pity to them is only okay when you’re not giving it to yourself.

What does that really mean?

I’m wondering if some people get overlooked using that strategy of doling out pity.

Why not let people decide for themselves? It doesn’t seem fair that I should be giving all the pity and not be assured of receiving my fair share. That’s discrimination, and why should the British control pity anyway?

The only way to guarantee fairness, which the Brits claim they support, is if one pities themselves and others at their will and not the will of others – namely British here.

Lookin’ for some free pity Sharon?

Nope, just makin’ a pity point. Fair is fair, even on the small points.

When you control the little things you control the big things. That’s what the British do and they never stop doing it. It could drive a person bloody mad and many of them are.

If you discriminate on the little things, you’ll discriminate on the bigger things.

“Your view has been noted”, said Lord Brown. I never forgot that.






The History Of The Great White Ape

If we all descended from the ape then what happened to the white apes?

The black apes ate them, then they all went bananas.

Then where did white people come from?

Bananas.






It Won’t Kill You To Laugh At Yourself – It Might Cure You

Have you ever raised a person of a different species who doesn’t speak or understand your language, in my instance English?

All of my adopted children were/are non-human.

That’s what I do best – understand non-humans.

If I can understand non-humans, then why or how could anybody think that I don’t understand humans?

Me being one.

Where there is a language barrier, a more sophisticated mode of communication emerges – often presenting itself in simplistic but more profound ways.

Integrating human communication with other species communication is a gift that all animals share if they open themselves to it.

Maybe the lion doesn’t want to – maybe the human doesn’t either. But maybe the monkey makes two fools look smart by making them both laugh.






Mohammed The Cow

Mohammed The Cow

Mohammed The Great Divider came back as a cow going to slaughter in the USA.

Would anybody, Muslim or not, try to find Mohammed?

How would we find him among so many cows?

Stop the slaughter of all of them and then it wouldn’t matter? You don’t want him to die twice do you? Such a horrific death? How’d he die the first time?

Anybody really want to eat Mohammed? Muslim or not?

Cows have tags. Give us the tag number and we can put a trace on him.

What’s the number?

How would I know I can’t see it.

Okay so there’s no number on the tag. That should be easy to track – no number. How many of those could there be?

I don’t know, but you don’t have much time to find that cow with an ear tag without a number.

How many ears does the cow Mohammed have?

I don’t know. How many ears do most cows going to slaughter have?

Maybe two maybe one maybe none.

Okay so the cow Mohammed lost the ear with the tag, that’s why there’s no number.

What does Mohammed look like?






Phantom Teeth

You know somebody flosses their teeth often, when they have a couple of extractions and still try to floss where the teeth used to be.






 

BE WARY

Alert: Cuss words used in this post. Do not read if cuss words offend you.

Fake News Anchors Are Hit Men and Hit Women. Their job is to destroy you by putting you in the worst light possible, parsing words and taking everything said figuratively, literally, out of the context of intent.

If you are in the news you are their target. They get paid millions of dollars to make you suffer. And they are everywhere.

Be wary what you say where you dine or drink. Their low-level spies are lurking with hidden listening devices and cameras. They are hyper-tonic wanna be arsholes.

Raw is where they live disguised as accurate. They wouldn’t know accurate if it wucked them in the face.

Disrupt a nation with false information and that can be called treason – not a reason for treason.

Members of congress are conspiring against the United States by conspiring against the president.






 

THIS IS HOW CONTROLLING MY HUSBAND IS:

I took the laundry cart out as a precursor to doing the laundry – only bedding today. He sees it before taking a shower and says what’s this cart doing out here? Don’t do laundry. I’ll do it on my day off.

I say I’m only doing bedding.

He says okay, then says no. I can do the bedding when I do my work clothes for the week. I’ll just throw it in when I’m down there.

I say, well leave the cart out.

He says no, I’m putting it back, as he proceeds to push the cart back into the closet saying I don’t want you to be tempted – out of sight out of mind. Relax, have some fun today. You don’t want to be doing laundry.

I’m writing something else on the computer and I say out loud: this is how controlling my husband is – blah blah blah – and I’m going to write it. We both laugh hysterically, because he’s a controlling husband and I’m a workaholic.

I say I’m going to write this and put it on our fat-site.

He said yeah, write it – we’re both still laughing. He said this is what they mean by no good deed goes unpunished.

I’m thinking maybe laughing makes you lose weight. Hm-m.

Better on a Sunday morning to be laughing rather than regretting something from the night before. Maybe that could help you lose weight too.

Maybe I’m onto something here.

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight

OUR FAT SITE: https://fat-freechef.com






 

move the sink

He: Hey Sharon, are you Irish?

Me: I don’t piss in the sink, no matter the position of the curtain.






 

HOW A JEW CHANGES

Not THIS Jew.

Not THIS time.

Not ANY time.

From NOW on.

So what do you want?






 

NEWS FLASH on coffee

A moderate amount of coffee per day equals 1-2 cups.

A moderate amount is 1 cup?

What’s a small amount?






CHINESE LAUNDRY AD

Lots of racist jokes have been made over the years in the USA regarding Chinese laundries – and we all continue to laugh at them.

I see this ad as “revenge is best served cold” by the Chinese.

Actually, it’s so in your face funny and open, that it’s brilliant.






 

HIJAB – HABIT

 

Muslims who wear hijabs look like Nuns who wear habits.

 






THANK GOD?

Ever hear an atheist say, Thank God It’s Friday (TGIF)?

It cracks me up!

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

CAVEMAN???

WHAT? NO CAVEWOMAN???

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

CARROTS AND STICKS

Dangling carrots you’ll never get, while beating you with sticks?

No thank you Hillary. I don’t like to be beaten with carrots or sticks. The line of difference always blurs.

I want a candied carrot on top of an animal-free cupcake!

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

HARDBALL

It’s time to retire hardball. Everybody plays it–and all it amounts to–at the end of the day–all things being equal in a perfect world, without rushing to judgement–that it is what it is–been there done that–deja vu all over again–on so many different levels. When the other shoe drops, where the sun doesn’t shine, that’s the bottom line. If it walks like a duck, wears lipstick and if the shoe fits, then the moment of truth has arrived. The fat lady hasn’t sung yet, so it appears to be DOA–dead on arrival.

~ Sharon Lee Davies-Tight






 

CLEVELANDERS

I’ve been living in Cleveland too long.

I get 50 views on my website and I think I’m going viral, going to the world series and the super bowl.

Of course the world knows that none of that will ever happen, but we Clevelanders know it will.